forever silent.

i`ve forgotten your name and the taste of your lips. you`re voice along with the words you speak no longer impress me. you`ve become just another face in the crowd. a person that with time the image will fade. if i passed you i wouldn`t say hello, i doubt i`d even bother to look up. it`s easy to forget the face but the memories are more complex. i opened my eyes and finally realized i never needed you. i`ve become comfortably numb. i can breathe once again on my own, and i feel no pain.

turn and run.

say what you please, do what you may. not a soul can bring me down more then i. rachel, yes equals rachel`s worst enemy. you can`t say anything to me that i haven`t already. every name, every word you replay, i once said. it makes me sad to watch the people that pretend to love me, but in reality the only thing the love about me is to bring me down.

note to self,
keep your mask on as you walk the streets. smile at the stranger that snears at you. because we all know as soon as your paths cross and soon take new journeys they`ll have a book to say aboout you. pittey the fool that feels there words are stronger enough to break you. truelly you should feel bad for them, not for yourself. they need to cast down insults to someone to make themselves feel better. but once they need a person, they need help. no one will be there to hold there hand.

"there are a handful of people that hate me, but there is also a larger handful that love me."

double knot your problems

everything that used to matter tends not to have meaning now. don`t blame yourself though, you`ve just become the new you. you no longer feel the burn of yesterday and new taste seems bitter. a simple kiss even feels like momentary bliss, but the feeling fades as the clock moves to the next minute. these things you need hide though, cover your thoughts from the world. put a blanket of deceit on and a smile to fool the common day person.

rainy days

i love bad weather because it always agrees with my mood.

rainy days are always my favorite. the bad weather calms me. it`s like a sense of release standing in the rain as the drops splash down on your face. you feel uplifted. like old problems wash away. i feel new, like i can make a fresh start on something.

endless roads.

i packed my things and waved goodbye. the door shut and i peered out into the world to come. i pressed the gas pedal to the floor, still not knowing where i was going. your face echoed in the back round as i screamed. i never need you to show me were i needed to go, i`ll never know that. i`m always lost, better yet i always will be. i guess the sence of direction was never granted to me. i`m numb to the feeling. my road has continued and it`s made many turns into finding what it is i need in life. sometimes i wonder am i even worth loving, could anyone love you? why put up a fight that you`ll most likely never win. i`d call myself an ongoing battle that you`ll never defeat. when i reach my new destination i`ll look out the window and smile. i`m not smiling because i`m happy, i`m smiling because it`s what i`ll call home. nothing long term, nothing for me is. just a temporary moment of bliss. it lets my mind rest and believe it`s ment to be this time.

looking.

"i`m looking for someone like me, were the feeling is mutual."

remember me,

i hope you`ll always remember me, even when you`re not looking down.
we never had a mutual love for each other, i`d say we never got along.
i`m much older now, you still don`t see me for who i am.
my dreams see to be a practical joke in your eyes.
i wish i could go back for a second and be a child, maybe somehow grasp your attention for a second.
now a days it`s a simple hello, or i`m leaving.
there`s no friendship, no father daughter nights out.
i envy those when i see them out with there parents, sharing love and good times.
i wish sometimes it was me, i wish i could put myself in there seat.
just once see how it feels to have a parent, a parent who really cares for me.
a parent who enjoys to be around there child.
i feel i`m a burden and you`ll be happier when i`m gone.
yet you`ve never shown true hate, or treated me horrible.
it`s mainly your attitude, i feel your annoyed.
sometimes i feel you wish i was never here.
that if i left forever your life would continue without bother.
i`ve made it this far without you, and i`ll continue my journey without you.

come what may.

i feel at this time in my life, it`s best to let go. i have to cast out the negativity and remember this is my life. i know the people that once were, were here for a reason. they all helped in some way and made there presence known. each has a mark that will be left forever. like a scare, it never fades. but i have to realize i don`t need them. they also left for a reason, and are no longer here with me. some i know it was for the best and that we never should have tried so hard to keep it together, others i know it was much mutual differences. people always seem to change in one way or another. whether it be good or bad, you hold that in your eyes. no one can tell you, you`ve changed and it`s bad. if you`re happy with your changes then be proud.

me, i`m happy. generally happy. why shouldn`t i be. i`m learning to let go of my past and look forward to the future. vacation spots, anticipated birthday night, to exciting concerts. it`s all to come in the near future. i can`t help but have a smile. i always need to remember there`s always something good to come. if you`ve hit the bottom the only way you can go is up. i`ve hit my bottom for the month and now all i can do is look up. look forward to what i know is coming.